Sunday, October 28, 2012

To sleep, perchance to dream

Most of my life, my bed has been a refuge.  It's been a blessing to retreat to bed and to fall nearly immediately to sleep.  However, four years ago, when I separated from L, I had about six months when sleep tended to elude me, or if I fell to sleep, I would wake up in the wee small hours after a nightmare, or even with nothing prodding me to wake up.  Then I would have trouble falling back asleep, and my bed ceased to become the refuge it always was.  The main problem was I would get trapped in my thoughts, "Maybe if I had done this.... or had said that..."  My thoughts would go around and around and I would be unable to find any rest or release from them.

At that time, I went through counseling, which really helped.  However, there were months when I was unable to go easily to sleep, or to remain asleep as long as I'd like.

Now, as I'm going through the divorce process, and have to deal with the anger and negativity thrown my way through various documents, I'm finding that sleep is again eluding me on occasion.  It's much better this time though; I am usually able to fall asleep,but I still find 3 am to be an unpleasant time to be awake.

Last night I woke up around 3 am after a nightmare.  I turned once more to the remedy that seems to work the best for me.  I turned the radio on.  It's set at low volume, to CBC, of course. I've heard rumours that there are other radio stations, but I wouldn't know.  Listening to the radio talk away interrupts my own thoughts, and allows me to drift back to sleep.  Sometimes I don't even remember waking up in the night, but I will wake again in the morning to the radio still on, and realize that I must have woken in the night.  In case you don't know, CBC plays Radio Australia in the wee small hours.  I get to hear what's happening on the other side of the world.

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