Scrabulous

Ok, I've succumbed. I just read on the news that facebook has banned scrabulous but that their website still allowed you to play - so I found the website and registered. Gotta do it I guess.

Ripe raspberries

Last week they weren't ripe. This week they are. Every evening Bram and I have gone for a walk and lately it's taken us a lot longer because we have to stop and sample the wild raspberries everywhere. Pepsi sees it as a great trial because raspberries hold no attraction for her.

Celebrate

It's so nice in the middle of hard times, to be able to celebrate. Tonight was a celebration. Bram was baptized.

Comfort

I have been deriving a lot of comfort from the e-mails, phone calls, hugs and prayers that I have received from my many friends. Thank you so much.

I am also getting a great deal of comfort through prayer and music. It's amazing the hymns (the golden oldies) that run through my head, with the words of comfort. For example:

Be still my soul! The Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul! Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thro' thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Sweet hour of prayer, sweet hour of prayer
That calls me from a world of care
And bids me at my Father's throne
Make all my wants and wishes known
In seasons of distress and grief
My soul has often found relief
And oft escaped the temptor's snare
By thy return, sweet hour of prayer

Peace, perfect peace in this dark world of sin
The blood of Jesus whispers peace within.

When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Failure

Today's one of those days when I feel like a complete failure. I just wrote my superior at Aurora College, where I've been teaching for the past four years, telling her that I wouldn't be applying for a casual position there for the fall. Last year was really difficult - I was only offered 10 hours a week initially, which was upped to 15 hours a week after Christmas. In addition, those hours were on a split shift; teaching from 11 to 12 am and from 3 to 4 pm. I made the best of it last year, deciding to home school Bram, which I think was a great decision for him.

However, I just received an email from my superior essentially telling me that nothing was going to change timetable wise for this year. I can't do that again. It was really difficult - not to mention that it was really part-time. This is a time in my life when I should be having my greatest earnings, in preparation to drawing a pension in the future. Instead, I have no pension (you don't get one doing casual, part-time work) and not a great future - at least not in teaching.

I'm sitting here feeling really blue - even though I said I wouldn't be teaching this fall, it's really hard to actually say I won't be teaching this fall. It's also really scary being in limbo. It'd be so much easier if I had something else lined up ahead of time so I could say forget you. You're not offering enough so I'm going elsewhere. It's a lot harder to say you're not offering enough, so I'm going to keep looking. I'm feeling like a failure. Why have I devoted over 20 years to being a teacher, and yet always only had term positions? What could I or should I have done differently? Other people seem to have no problem starting teaching, having a term position to start with and then changing to a more permanent position. If I can't do that, does that mean that I just haven't had the skills? After 20+ years teaching, what should I be doing with my life? The other thing is that I have really loved teaching. I'd like to think I made a difference with some of my students. However, it's not enough to love something if you can't make a living at it.

I know that the Lord will provide - he always has. It's just really hard stepping out not knowing what I will be doing in the future - where will the Lord provide. I'm wishing Lloyd was here (misery loves company).

Housework

I am the first to admit that I don't enjoy doing housework. It's one of those things that all winter when I'm working full-time slides more than a little, and then in the summer I have to shovel myself out of the disaster that's been the better part of a year in the making. If cleanliness is next to godliness, I'll be the first to admit I'm a sinner.

However, in the past two days I've done 5 loads of laundry (hung out on the line, brought in, folded, sorted, bullied the kids to put theirs away), found the kitchen table (that was a full day's job) and found my bedroom floor! I've still got a long ways to go, but we're getting there. I need to do a whole lot of throwing out while Lloyd's still away (today I did all the unmatched socks - half a laundry basket full!). Rose did the living room and main bathroom while we were away, so it's good, the kitchen is coming (still have to do the counters and floor) and my bedroom is much better. There's still the dining room/office, the sewing room and the master bedroom bathroom (mostly a lot of dust - it's not dirty, just dusty.) My goal is to be "company" tidy before Lloyd gets home. Then maybe we should have company to celebrate!

Lost and Found

Rose informed us last night that she hadn't been able to find her glasses since Wednesday. They were in her room somewhere, she thought. So this afternoon we worked on her room. A big job! Cleaned up everything; moved everything, found more dirty clothes than I want to think about - and couldn't find her glasses. We had searched everywhere that it was possible to search! Finally, just as I was leaving the room, she put her hand down and said, "Here they are!" She now has a much tidier room and has started doing laundry. (My room is now the messiest in the house - which is really sad. I have a week before Lloyd gets home).

Back Home

Bram and I arrived back home in Yellowknife just before 5 pm Saturday afternoon. It felt really good to be home. Rose has been back for just over a week now, and she had planned a get together last night with her friends. I was totally wasted and went and slept for a bit while she and her friend Katie finished getting things ready. Then I was awake and visited a bit with her friends, before I realized that I might be too much of the mother and disappeared to my bedroom.

According to our odometer, we have travelled over 8,000 km in the past three weeks. I drove a little over half of that I think. That's a lot of travelling. I still feel the hum through my bones, but after a good night's sleep am feeling much better. I'll do a bit about my trip and post some photos a little later.

Oh well

I heard from personnel this morning - I didn't get the job. Oh well.
I got my mark for my piano final - only 78. Oh well.
I've been registered to take a course July 14-18 (Standard First Aid Instructor's); and have just been informed it's been rescheduled to August. Oh well.
Life goes on. I'm still on holidays; would love to be home by now, but Lord willling will be back by Monday. Lloyd's class seems to be going well but he's come down with a bad cold. Hopefully he didn't share.